New Shoes

My mother remembers the exact moment she decided to have a small family.  She's told the story frequently.  One day in second grade she came home to search for cardboard in the trash can.  She retrieved a piece, then traced the bottom of her shoe and cut out the form to place inside of it.  There were two holes along the bottom of her shoe now.  Her socks were black in those places.  She decided at that moment that she would have one, maybe two children.  She would not have seventeen, as her parents had.  Her children would have new shoes.

Life with sixteen siblings is unimaginable to me.  My mother kept her promise.  There are two of us who call her mother.  Sixteen siblings is also sixteen good-byes, especially when you are one of the middle children in the family.  

Goodbye #1:  Youngest brother Robert was the epitome of life and joy.  Always good-natured.  Always joking.  Always smiling.  Then he served in Vietnam and returned a changed man.  Still smiling, but usually after a few six-packs.  He died at 34 from cirrhosis of the liver.

Goodbye #2:  Youngest sister Jenny was the "black sheep" of the family.  Definitely marched to her own drummer.  Faded in and out of the family, and lived life according to her own rules.  Passed away far from her children - heart disease.

And today she's preparing for…

Goodbye #3:  Oldest sister Rita.  Had nine children of her own.  Worked the farm along with her husband until his recent passing just two years ago.  Never complains.  Makes breakfast from scratch each and every morning.  Spending time with her children in the hospital as she struggles with pneumonia.  My mother's mentor.

My mother remembers the exact moment she decided to have a small family.  My mother remembers the joyous moments with her siblings.  Each one of them.  I doubt she would trade one of those stories for any new pair of shoes.

Runny Eggs

He calls me over to the table and I sit.  We slept in and took some time to lounge this morning, so I am definitely hungry.  He's made eggs.  For both of us.  Previously, his breakfast foods have been limited:  French toast, pancakes, waffles, cereal.  Notice a theme?  Yes, none of the list are savory and none of them include eggs.  He's not an egg man.

He's prepared them the way I like - over easy.  One and a half over easy eggs cheerily smile up at me accompanied by slices of his homemade sourdough bread, toasted.  With a breakfast this lovingly prepared, it has to be a great day.  We linger over our meal.  I'm savoring every bite and he is persisting through it, trying to train his taste buds, forcing his mind to expand to include something different.

He consistently surprises me and affirms my respect and love.  What habit have I settled into that needs to be expanded?  What line of thinking have I let sink in so deeply, that I have not allowed myself room to grow?  I'd like to notice…and make room for a bit of change.

Possibility

Spring is coming.  I can feel it in the air.  The days are a bit longer.  When I drive to work in the morning, I'm driving in light instead of total darkness.  It's becoming the time to take walks after dinner, sit outside on the weekends with a cup of tea and linger with my book, time to enjoy the sunset through the window as my husband and I enjoy dinner together.  It's the time of possibility…

- to renew relationships with friends

- to truly linger in that professional read that's been sitting at the bottom of my pile

- to reflect on how far we have come since the beginning of the year

- to savor the journey and the process

Seasonal changes seem to be part of my internal clock as a human being.  Moving from the darker days to lighter and longer ones renews my energy, my vision, and my hope in possibility.  Take a whiff of the air outside today.  Smile.  Anything is possible!

Three Things

I read Burkins and Yaris blog this morning.  That post referenced the video above, Matthew McConaughey's acceptance speech for his Academy Award this year.  I took a few minutes to view the video.  He references that he needs three things in his life:  something to look up to, something to look forward to, and something to chase.

I wondered…what are the three things I "need" in my life daily.  Do I have something to look up to, something to look forward to, and something to chase?  What are they?

To Listen

She arrived at 7:36 tonight.   Usually I sit warming my hands on my tea for close to twenty minutes before she shows up.  But since the one morning she stood me up completely, she's mostly been on time.  After paying for her meal, she sits across from me.

The conversation begins as usual…how much homework she has, what her shifts at work have been like, the life of a college student.  I listen.  Ask a few questions.  We began meeting in December and this is what I do - listen.  I am sometimes surprised that she continues to meet with me.  

Then, just before the time winds down, she mentions it again.  "You know, I've never had a good friend.  In high school, friends came for a couple of weeks and then moved on to someone new.  I've always wanted someone to talk to, I guess.  Someone who would just let me say whatever I need to say.  I can't talk to my sister.  And definitely, not my mother.  They would try to tell me what to do, and that's not what I need.  I just need someone to listen."

And I realize it's her way of thanking me.  Her effort at giving me a compliment.  So I take my mug in my hands one more time, bring it to my mouth, and listen as her words pour out.  

Wisdom

Chocolate Strawberry Shortcake is sitting between us.  I notice that we're each leaned forward towards the other, and my body language mimics hers.  We've snuck in one hour onto our calendars to catch up, eat something sweet, and laugh together.  It's been easy like this since I've known her.

"You know you're too old for Forever 21 when you've gone into the dressing room for the third time and come out empty handed," she begins.  "I don't know why I keep going in there.  I mean, the clothes look fabulous on the mannequin.  And I tell myself, ten dollars for a blouse?  Now that's affordable!  So, I grab a few items, wait in the line for almost fifteen minutes, then head into a dressing room.  And then it dawns on me.  I'm in the middle of sticking this dress over my head, you know, the one without a zipper?  And I remember, I've done this before.  You know, you get that dress just past the shoulders, and you realize you're stuck!  There's no one to help you in there.  Those low lights are shining down on you and you start to sweat.  You're too embarrassed to ask the salesgirl for help, so you spend fifteen minutes just wriggling out of the cheap thing, praying that you don't end up ripping it and have to buy it."  

We laugh uncontrollably.  I nod with familiarity at her story.

"Yeah, I'm too old to go in there anymore.  It's just not worth it!" she finishes.

We dive back into our Strawberry Shortcake, giggling as we move into another story, cautious to keep our eyes away from our watches and phones.  And I think, now that's a great idea for a slice of life story!

Colleagues

How's it going?

Can I help with that?

Where does this go?

Are we done with that conversation?

How did it turn out?

Let's meet to finish that up.

Let me know how I can help you.

Take care of yourself.

I understand.

You made me really think.

Thanks for taking time with that.

I appreciate your effort

I see how hard you work.

You really helped me process that.

Thank you!